


Unconditional

by Vampurr



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Also I use Google translate for Wattson’s french so im so sorry if it’s messed up, At least I think it’s hurt/comfort, DarkSparks, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm, no beta reading we die like men, wraiths voices get too loud and Wattson comes to help by singing to her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:35:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28886952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vampurr/pseuds/Vampurr
Summary: She can hear her thoughts, distinguish them, now amongst the voices, and she can hear the singing voice. The waves continue to clash over top of her, but at least she has a lifeline to cling to now.OrWraith’s voices become too overwhelming one night, and Wattson comes to the rescue.(Rated MA for self harm and cursing)
Relationships: Wattson | Natalie Paquette/Wraith | Renee Blasey
Kudos: 55





	Unconditional

It was loud. It was all too loud. 

Renee let out another choked sob as she curled up closer, bringing her knees up to her chest. Her eyes were tightly shut, and her toes clenched and unclenched. Her body shook, and her hands ran up and down her calves. Nails dug into flesh as she raked her fingers across her skin over and over. In that moment, it was the only thing really that was remotely close to calming her. The pain, she could control, the only thing she could really control. 

God, it was so loud. When did the voices in her head get so fucking loud? 

Warnings, threats, lies, truths, encouragements, revelations, words. They all ran together in her head in what felt like hundreds of voices speaking over and over again, all at the same time. They continued to come, wave after wave, crashing against one another. It was a constant onslaught, and there was no cover. It could last for minutes, or it could last for hours. 

There was a shift in the bed as weight was added to the other side. “Renee,” a soft voice spoke. Renee could barely hear the other voice amongst the ones in her own head, but she frantically tried to grasp ahold of it. It was the first thing to sound different than the horrid concert inside her head, and she desperately wanted to hear more. “Hey, Renee, can you hear me?” 

A nod. Yes, she could. Barely, but she could. 

“Okay, good,” the voice continued. “May I touch you?” 

Another nod, only this time a no. Not right now, it was too soon. 

“That’s perfectly okay, I’ll wait,” the voice softly replied. “How about you listen to me, oui? Try to focus on my voice.” 

A final nod. Yes, she will try. Everything be damned, Renee will try. 

For a moment, the godsend voice doesn’t speak and Renee is once again lost within the flood of all the different voices. She continued to dig her nails into her calves, raking them up and down. Some of her fingers grow wet with what Renee imagines would be her own blood, but she just can’t stop. 

But, the voice speaks up again, only this time it is singing. It’s a sweet song, one that Renee has heard before. Normally, it’s sung to her as she’s drifting off to sleep, usually after a night plagued with nightmares. She’s been told it’s a romantic song, one about new love, that is entirely in French. 

Renee focuses and listens. She’s never understood the words, but she hangs onto every single one. She listens and thinks. She fights back against the own voices in her head by making shitty guesses at what the words mean. One word she has decided means dog and another means cabbage. It’s stupid, but it seems to nearly work. She can hear her thoughts, distinguish them, now amongst the voices, and she can hear the singing voice. The waves continue to clash over top of her, but at least she has a lifeline to cling to now. 

Slowly, Renee is able to think a little longer, a little clearer. The waves become smaller and smaller, then they become ripples. Her hands have stopped frantically moving across her calves, now letting her fingers thrum against her knees. The voices still press on, but they’re becoming whispers now. Many have left, and Renee hopes that the rest will soon follow. 

The singing voice slowly stops to a halt, though it is rather reluctantly. “May I touch you now, Renee?” it asks once more. 

A nod. Yes. Yes please. 

Renee is still unsure if she can find her voice yet, if it’s still even there, if it’s still even hers. 

The voice returns back to its melody, although it is a quiet hum now. Renee feels a hand softly press her back for a few moments, testing the waters, before slowly going down the rest of her back. The hand softly strokes along her spine, slow and steady. 

It continues like this for a while. Renee continues to lay there, eyes shut and teeth gritted. Her legs burn and sting, and she can feel blood slowly drip from the freshly broken skin. Yet, she tries her best to focus on the affectionate touches on her back. It’s finally clicked that it’s Natalie here with her, if the French hadn’t already given it away. 

Natalie pauses her humming, and she touches Renee on the shoulder. “I’m going to go get some tissues and bandages, oui? Just to clean you up. I’ll be right back, mon amour.” 

Renee gives another nod, though she doesn’t want the blonde to leave, not when the voices could come flooding back in. There’s not much else to save her, but she knows she has to let Natalie go unless Renee wants to make a complete mess of the sheets. Instead, she focuses on her breaths, still shaky and shallow but thankfully still there. 

It’s only a minute before she hears foot steps coming back up to the bed. She feels something soft press against one of her legs, and then it moves to the other one. Another hum comes from Natalie as she works, and Renee can’t help but listen again. Pressure is applied in a few spots, and then the skirmisher feels gauze being placed carefully onto her skin. 

“On y va, tu vas bien maintenant,” Natalie says rather pleasantly. “Now let me see your hands, okay? I’ll just wipe them off,” she adds on. Renee feels her hands being touched and softly pulled as Natalie wipes the blood away. A satisfied sound comes from the blonde as she looks over her girlfriend one last time, and she turns. “I’ll throw this away, wash my hands, and then I’ll be right back. Tu ne sauras même pas que je suis parti.” 

Renee waits, minutes ticking slowly by. Just as the blonde promised, Natalie is soon back. She crawls back onto the small bed from the other side to continue her vigil with her girlfriend. She touches Renee’s shoulder again, mostly to let her know that she is there. Natalie then lays down beside her, letting out a sigh of relief. It seemed like the hardest part was over now. 

At this, finally, Renee opens her eyes. She blinks a few times, letting her eyes get used to the light. She breathes, in and out, for a few moments, still waiting for her heartbeat to settle down to somewhat normal. The skirmisher then rolls over to face Natalie, who is watching her closely, and quickly latches on to her, face pressed to her neck and arms tightly wrapped around the other woman’s torso. Her legs wrap around Natalie’s rather firmly, almost like a koala to a tree. Renee continues to breath, slowly but surely, but this time she breaths in a scent that she’s familiar with. A very faint lilac shampoo and the harsh smell of metal. Truth be told, it’s a comfort to Renee, especially now. 

“It’s okay, Renee,” Natalie says, one hand going around the other’s waist and the other going to run through the other woman’s dark hair. “I’m right here, I’m not going to leave you.” She then pauses, carefully thinking through her words. “You’re safe right now. It’s just you and me.” 

“I’m sorry... I’m sorry you have to deal with this,” Renee finally chokes out. Tears well up in her eyes, and her grip on Natalie only tightens. She feels like a burden.  
“You don’t deserve this. I’m... I’m such a fuck up, Nat.” 

Natalie hushes her, lets the other woman grasp onto her like her life depends on it. “You don’t need to apologize, Renee,” she says softly, still running her fingers through black hair. “I don’t want you to fight this alone. I care too much about you to let you do that.” She presses a kiss to the top of Renee’s head. “We’ll just make sure your nails are cut next time, and if not... well, I’ll clean it up again. Cela ne me dérange pas. Ça ira.”

Natalie’s words don’t heal Renee’s insecurities, but they’re enough to put the other woman at bay. Renee is able to whisper an incredibly quiet “thank you.” Tears begin to collect in her eyes again, but it’s not out of desperation this time. They come from the comfort of knowing she doesn’t have to fight through this alone. Not anymore at least.

**Author's Note:**

> This one is different than my usual writing, that’s for sure! Anyway, hope you liked this one!  
> As always, hit up my tumblr @giraffe-lesbian if you have Darksparks prompts or just wanna talk about apex. I need apex mutuals :’^)
> 
> Also I use Google translate for Wattson’s French so I’m so sorry if it’s wrong. I just have to put it in there; I definitely think she slides between both languages very often and would think it’d be weird if she didn’t use both in my fics


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